That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
