some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
