just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
