Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
