I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
