if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
