i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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