hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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