Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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