who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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