A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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