you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
