I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
