I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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