I think i sorta joined a cult last night
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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