WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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