I could have mohawked her pubes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
