My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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