I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
