do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
