Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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