Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
