so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
