Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy sore nipples Batman
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
