I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
