the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
