So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
