There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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