btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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