I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
