with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
