R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
