One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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