No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
