This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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