No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are a genius and a whore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize