just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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