i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
