Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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