i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
