I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
