12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
