I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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