as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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