you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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