So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
