I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize