My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
