I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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