having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
