Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
