Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
