Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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