Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
