woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
