I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
