are you so shy because you have an std?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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