So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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