You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
