You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
