hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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