he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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