i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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