That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize