he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
