he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
