I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
