I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
