If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
