Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
