this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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