I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
