No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
