I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
