I didn't shave. On purpose
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
