Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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