I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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