No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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