Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
