Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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