If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
