Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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