if i can run in heels then i can drive
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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