I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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